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Avoid Saying These Common But Hurtful Statements

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12 Things Not to Say to Someone with Infertility

  • We've all had that awkward moment when we've shared sensitive information with a friend, and they responded with something that hurts. Most of us have also been on the other side of this—a friend confides in us, and we respond in the wrong way. As we look at our friend's tense polite smile, we cringe inside, chiding ourselves for putting our foot in our mouth.

    Most insensitive comments aren't meant to be hurtful.


    They are made out of ignorance or out of a strong desire to say something that will defuse a tense moment. We want to solve our friend's problem, heal their pain, or make light of the situation in a joking manner. Instead, we unintentionally make things worse.

    If you have a friend or family member with infertility, you'll want to avoid saying these 12 things. 

    Already said one of them? Don't be afraid to go back to your friend and apologize. It can become a healing moment for your both.

    What NOT to Say #1: "You can always do IVF."

    IVF is often seen as a cure-all for infertility.

    Can't get pregnant? Just do IVF!

    Except it's not so simple.

    First of all, IVF is a very expensive treatment.

    It is rarely covered by insurance in the United States and frequently only partially covered in other countries.

    One treatment cycle can cost anywhere between $12,000 and $25,000. However, multiple cycles may be needed to achieve success.

    Couples may also need donor eggs, sperm, or embryos, or even a surrogate, which is significantly more expensive.

    One study found that the average cost of IVF treatment per successful birth is $61,377! It was even higher for IVF with donor eggs, at $72,642. Those high numbers are the result of multiple cycles needed for success.



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